These past few days I’ve been feeling like I’m at the bottom of the earth. I’m irritated. I’m exhausted. I’m mad, angry even. I’m tired. I’m down and feeling blue. I feel like I needed someone to wake me up, just to tell me to get over things and just be done with it. But that someone is not coming near me and nowhere to be found. I really don’t know what to feel, how to react, how to process and how to suppress the rage and all those conflicting emotions inside of me. I don’t want to end up feeling miserable and be someone who doesn’t know how to handle things being thrown at her. This of course is someone I’m not in reality.

I wish more than anything that perhaps I wasn’t that angry. I hated harboring ill feelings towards others. But what can I do? I have been told over and over again. I’ve been exposed with the hard facts and evidences beyond denials. It isn’t alright but I know I have to put on some blinders to be able to look past beyond the hurt. Right now, the most important thing for me to do is not to let anger completely obliterate my sense of rightfulness. I know I can no longer try to hide my feelings but I will win this battle. I never dream of living my life with hatred.

This ends here.

The last time I posted something in here, didn’t even last long enough for me to enjoy. Oh, well that’s a bugger. This time I decided to write down random things that went through my mind as my few days of not posting here went past by me.

I had cold and it wasn’t fun – lots of sneezing. I thought our office will run out of tissue because of me. I kept wiping my workstation with tissue and Alcohol. Mercifully, I’m better now. No more running nose. Thanks to drinking lots of water and the fruit juice extract made by B.

I finally went to Serendra and had a Mojito. But don’t get me wrong. I’m not an alcohol drinker, not a frequent one nor an occasional drinker (never was and never will). I’m more on the healthy side of the planet. And I’m not against people who love drinking alcohol though.

I joined the Earth Hour and badly wanted the Earth Hour t-shirt. I think I earned it. Thanks to all who participated. Our beloved Earth badly needs it more that I ever needed the t-shirt.

There’s a woman in my neighborhood who loves to get on my nerves. I was reading condo flyers outside our house and she went by me and said she will buy too sooner than I. My God, woman get your act together! We are not in a competition. Are you out of your mind?! You’re a Witch with a B. Take that pretender.

I watched Inkheart and Bedtime Stories simultaneously and had a hard time differentiating the two afterwards.

I’ve been secretly praying for rain. I hate summer. Arggggg, who wouldn’t if you are living in 14° 35' North, 121º 00 East? That’s the freaking center of equator.

I really need a break from reading the materials. Even at home, I’m still trying to figure things out. Now I see why I’m having headaches everyday though not the normal I-cry-for-mercy-to-stop-the-throbbing-ache. I know that learning new things keeps my brain awake but darn it, it never sleeps even when I’m sleeping (literary speaking). I should have gone with Java programming short courses to take while I’m still deciding what new programming language to take last two months ago. It could have been make my life easier. I should have, could have and would have. I hate this part right here.

A question I came across in one of my favorite forums just a while back. Some might not believe it but I was financially independent since I was 5 years old (fine, half-financially independent if you may). Want to know how? Let me give you five how’s.

One, I started my mini-store when I was five years’ old (just outside of my mom’s grocery store) selling candies, lemonades and other cool stuffs. I already had a bank account then. Two, I was a part time seller of anything (usually toys and kikay kits) in my kindergarten years (yup, I started going to school when I was 4 years old). Three, our neighbor had a comic rental close to our house and whenever he goes out of town, I served as his replacement, in turned he gave me a portion of what I earned while he’s gone. Four, there’s a widow merchant that my mom knew who allowed me to bring some chores for her in our house, like peeling peanut skins, stacking coins by 10s and other stuffs, she always pay me accordingly for all those chores (I think she just loves me back then since she has no kids and I was kind of cutie pie when I was little). Five, I always participate in “Little Miss Pageant” in our town. It annoyed the hell out of my eldest brother but I was earning up to 3000 in one night for this. It’s not that hard to dance your way out to the crowd, makes sensible answers to all grown up questions and just be adorable. Huh! If only I’m gifted with a golden voice I would have probably joined all the singing contests as well just to earn money. But I was only gifted with graceful body, what can I do?!